Rogue IT Data Analyst Makes Daring Escape
Can you imagine the horror of going to prison? Yet, every day, anyone working with data is sentenced to life in database prison, and they don’t even know they’re behind bars and line charts with a cellmate named Worksheet.
In database prison, you can’t run a query involving tables across database platforms, and migrating or integrating data adds more time to your sentence. And if you work with Oracle or a DB2 mainframe, you are in the Alcatraz of data dungeons, a crime against humanity itself!
But lo and behold, earlier today, a rogue data analyst made a daring escape. Their office comrades stared agog as this renegade seamlessly joined tables spanning multitudes of systems with a mere click of their pet mouse.
At the mess hall, whispers of their feats echoed in awe as they chatted about migrating ancient data to the cloud with the grace of a single button press. Inmate 65536 whispered they witnessed them move a thousand tables from Teradata to Snowflake and an entire schema from SQL Server to Synapse faster than Skinny Malone got shived.
The prison’s IT overlord bore witness as they dragged an answer set to another system and effortlessly crafted a table with data using warp-speed utilities from another system’s arsenal.
And the business community was stunned when they ran a large query on an expensive database platform that has asked to be unnamed, where they scheduled the results to automatically create a DataMart on both a Postgres and MySQL system, where all of their fellow analysts were freed to use a free system.
A near-uprising nearly erupted when the masses discovered the fugitive analyst wielded the Nexus from Coffing Data Warehousing while they languished with nothing but Toad, DBeaver, Teradata Studio, or, holy cow, the Snowflake browser.
And as the analyst sped off to cash their windfall bonus check in a shiny new ride, the whole world marveled at the dawn of a new era – one where database prisons had no bars, just Nexus at CoffingDW.com to set you free.
If you don’t want to receive a life sentence in database prison, I advise you to get a good public defender to help you receive a free trial of Nexus at CoffingDW.com.
See the video below to see the nearly impossible mission of escaping database prison.
Tom Coffing, better known as Tera-Tom, founded Coffing Data Warehousing, where he has been CEO for the past 30 years. Tom has written over 90 books on Architecture, performance tuning, and SQL on all relevant systems. Tom has taught over 1,000 classes worldwide, and he is the designer of the Nexus, which celebrates 20 years of brilliantly integrating all databases.
